Day in the Life

우수한 모험 (The excellent adventure)

2006-06-23T05:21:00.000-07:00

Now I know when people think summer vacation, South Korea automatically comes to mind. Regardless, and to be cliche, I went anyway. And then I came back. So, to soften the blow of finding myself once again working and living in Toronto, I thought I'd reminisce and jot down some thoughts and quaint observations on the little country I called Korea. Because that's what it was called.

First the technicalities, or as some kind nurses have said "Korea?!?! WTF?!?!" My magnificent trip abroad is all thanks to Angele my belle, an awesome friend from my Barrie days whose friendship was cemented when I taught her how to close down the sandwich station while we were both working at Wendy's (she was a slow learner but eventually came around ;) She's been teaching English to Korean kindergarten kids for the past 9 months in a town 45 min south of the capital Seoul. She invited me so I figured "meh...why not?" and dropped by.

14 hour flight and 13 hour time difference later, I was there.

Oh and note to self: BLLLLAAAAARRRRGGHHHHHH I hate flying. Get to Australia by boat.

(And for those of you not knowing that I'm leaving for Australia, jump back a few blogs and get with the freaking program people! Jk, I'm only mildly offended that you don't check this site every single day.)

Right, Korea: pure fun, Asian style. As soon as I arrived, tired and ridiculously jetlagged as I was, I decided to not waste a moment's time and get my first taste of this strange new land I now found myself in. So we dropped off my stuff, headed into Seoul and watched game 1 of the Stanley Cup finals at a Canadian expat bar named the Rocky Mountain Tavern. (Edmonton! What happened!??!) We were joined by Angele's fellow Canadian teachers who she lives in a small apartment complex with, very much like rez (complete with floorcest!) How great was it to watch them get all misty eyed when Canadian commercials came on? If you ask me, Korean commercials are waaaaaay better, especially since 96.74% of the Asian actors are for sure gay.

After that, she showed me how the public transport system worked, what street meat to avoid (ie. all of it) and from there I was pretty much left to my own devices. She worked 9-3 or 9-7 every weekday so a good chunk of my time was spent wandering aimlessy around Seoul seoul-o. (Seoul-o! Ha! Get it? Solo! Oh nevermind.....) Not that I really minded though. It's been a bit of a hard past month or so for me and it was nice to just be by myself in a foreign country and be able to think things through a little. And besides, apart from my annoying need for frequent bathroom breaks, I'm a pretty darn cool person to travel with.

Okay, don't want to make this blog too long so I'll leave it at that for now. Cliffhanger though, huh?!?! Ohhhhh......Amy's all alone in Korea....what will she do next.......?

the ongoing and upcoming battles.....

2006-04-15T17:19:00.000-07:00

Hey there peeps, missed you all so much too.

Been trying to sit down and put something for you guys for ages (say, since December?) but writer's block had me licked. In previous drafts to this blog I've gotten a few scant sentences down and then my muse randomly decides "ah fuck it!" and I'm left with squat.

So here goes, I'm feeling the vibe tonight with some Dire Straits playing in the background.....Brothers in Arms, let's see how we do........

Been living in many different moods and mindsets these past months, marvelling at the wonders and the terrors of Toronto and the surrounding universe. It's been a back and forth ongoing battle between me and the big city for the past 2 years now and I'm pleased (?) to say we've finally put aside our differences and let bygones be bygones and be pals. Of course, we could never come to such an agreement were I not getting the bloody hell outta here.

That's right my monkeys, transition phase is coming to a close this year and Amy's back in the driver's seat again. Or plane seat belt. Like so many of my kind (ie you guys), Australia beckons and I'll be going down under to play the didgeridoo in fall 2006. All brought to me oh so hassle free by my nursing degree. The plan is to live, love, work and play in Perth for a year and then see where the seas send me. Perhaps back to Canada, perhaps on to some other brave new home. It's all in the paperwork stage right now but at least I know it's coming up. Australia is what got me through another Toronto winter and Australia is what will make this last Toronto summer all the sweeter. So much to look forward to. Then again, there's going to be so much to miss.

Namely my boy genius Jolan. Damn damn damn the man and his unfaltering devotion to his hometown. It's been over a year now (wtf?) as team J&A, and apart from cat allergies and differing opinions on the capital of Ontario, it's been all love, as they say in Spain. Regardless of what is to come, we'll depart ways with a bang once he moves in for the summer. Gaaaaaaa! Messhica is abandoning me with a boy, taking a short stay in Barrie before she voyages off to the UK to work and play and fall in love with some guy with an absolutely smashing accent. Year of transition indeed. It's hilarious, Jol and I will move in together and take a huge step forward in the relationship before that great big ocean leap apart. For a year. Fuuuuuuck. Neither of us know where such a distance will leave us after all is said and done but regardless, we'll take T.O. (and Ontario) for all it's worth this summer.

Guess who else I'm super psyched to chill with this summer?!?!? YOU GUYS! As if you didn't know! When we collide it's a kind of magic and nothing would have made Toronto easier than more of you joining me in misery. Let's get our lives in syncronicity sometime soon, please please for the sake of my sanity, if at best for only one night, and drink to health and happiness and the old times.

As for the whole work thingie, it's been too emotionally packed lately. Please forgive me but I can't even bear to go into the whole long story now. One sentence summary: I've become too attached to a patient and his family. It hurts my head and it hurts my heart and it's not a story that's headed for a happily ever after. As much as I love my job, every once in a while it really sinks in what it is I'm doing here, and that's a heavy realization. Forever sincerest thanks to those brave souls who let me vent and keep me grounded and help me sort through this crappy thing called cancer. I'd lock myself in the closet and live off rum and peanut butter if you weren't here.

Literally.

So the moon's riding high now and Dire Straits pulled me through. Another nice night spent alone with just me, I suppose there are worse fates in life.....

Miss you Johnny

2005-12-08T11:39:00.000-08:00

All day they've been playing Lennon/Beatles songs on Q107 to mark the 25th anniversary of John's death. What better way to spend a day? Chilling solo in my apartment, writing some thoughts down on life and times with some Beatles tunes playing in the background. God don't you wish he were still here? Imagine what could have been....

Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on though, or at least you gotta try. It's been a busy month and a bit for you, me and everybody. So much going on these days it seems for all of us. We're all growing up, coming face to face with the grown ups we've become. Weddings, pregnancies, babies, buying first houses, ending long term relationships, interesting long term prospects, looking for that first official job, travelling halfway across the world to teach, travelling halfway across the world to travel. Craziness! Exciting times for sure, all I can say is CONGRATULATIONS GUYS, GO SHOW 'EM HOW IT'S DONE! I have your back tigers, thanks for having mine.

So can't possibly go into all that's come up recently, here's some highlights. It was time for another biannual trip to Londontown, so cool yet so trippy to come back to. So many of you have now departed dear Londonland that it will never be quite the same but grand times were had nonetheless. The alcohol goes down just as well as it ever did. Special shout-out goes to Beth for boarding me and feeding me and being my all round hero. And Jan! Best lunch date ever in the history of lunch dates! Oh and note to all, when ordering sushi, ensure that your server hears you say 6 pieces, not 6 rolls. But hey, who doesn't want 36 pieces of sushi all at once!?!? (Of course plus the mandatory unagi....mmmm fried eel....)

Moving along to other places and other provinces, I finally took that train trip ($240?!?) to Montreal to live it up french style with Erin my love. For those who don't know, Erin and I met in preschool and were roomies in university. So, needless to say, a bit of fun was had. We ate, we drank, we went shopping, what else are two gals to do? A museum was fit in their somehow to give the appearance we do have some culture. Oh comme il etait froid! Sacre bleu! Il y a....des oiseux.....a la fenetre(?) Deux pamplemousse! Yes, pure gibberish but that's what Erin and I are when in the same room, that's the only biproduct there is. We missed ya Miranda, next time for sure, sitting and drinking on the Montreal patios summer 2006!

Hmmm, what else to add?

I'm currently watching all the little gerbils of people milling around in the office building next to our apartment. Close some windows people! I see everything! Vice versa, Jess swears she saw one of them watching her put on deoderant the other day.

Well, I really can't type anymore, have to wrap up but promise I'll write again soon. I work tonight then have a week off to do all that it is that people do around this time of year. Hopefully I'll catch up on some sleep, hopefully I'll catch up on some sanity, hopefully I'll catch up.

Ahhh, how fitting, as I wrap up my blog they begin playing A Day in the Life, one of my all time favourites and the title to my musings. What do they call that when everything fits together so perfectly.......?

Thanks John, we still miss you.

They Say it's Your Birthday........?

2005-10-23T22:19:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday too yeah! (Two weeks ago at least).

Well then........24! We're in the big leagues now baby! Knee-deep in the twenty-something years. If I didn't know any better I'd say I was getting older. Quite the memorable birthday week, marked by a few firsts for me and the mandatory large amount of booze......

Having worked Friday night, I stumbled out of bed that Saturday afternoon with the same thing on my mind most people have when in similar circumstances: banana muffins. I was joining Jolan and his family for a casual Thanksgiving that night and wanted to bring along something girlfriendishy. Banana muffins were the obvious solution so thus my baking got underway. (I first had to pick up some flour from the corner store but that's really not vital to the story). As I was just putting the last batch in the oven, lo and behold, Jolan shows up announcing he'll escort me to his house after he gives me my birthday present. Ignoring the fact that it would be technically 4 days early, I hold out my hands, close my eyes and before me appears a Maple Leafs jersey. Alright! Very cool! I was psyched for finally being able to spend a winter in Toronto with the bars full of hockey fans, now I could even dress the part! Awesome gift, through and through, yet there's "just one more little side gift to go along with that....." Eyes closed again, something light, small, papery - LEAFS TICKETS! Insane! I couldn't believe it ~ I had never been to a hockey game before so this was truly amazing. What was even more unbelievable was that of course the tickets were for that night(!) ~ the whole Thanksgiving thing being a decoy. What about my banana muffins?!?!? All that effort for nothing. Hmph. Muffins or no, it was a great game, marred only by the fact that Leafs lost to Habs 5-4 (don't say a word Marc). Maybe next time. Drinks and pool followed in bar afterwards, oh what a night. (We did have the option of seeing 54-40 perform live outside the ACC after the game but we opted out, figuring there could only have so much fun had in one night, after that it's just being greedy).

The next morning was spent with Adam, a definite first for me and really too complicated to go into it all right now. I'll save that story for another blog. (Oh the intrigue....)

That night, exhausted as I was, was spent in Kitchener, and although we called it Thanksgiving, it really was just an excuse to have all my relatives together and get liqoured.* Jolan came and met the whole fam-damily for the first time, he was quite impressed as you can imagine. Whose family isn't nuts, all in good fun, and my Grandma truly is the sweetest lady there is.

(*also see Christmas.)

As for the actual day of my birth, it was spent with little bruhaha in Barrie, just as I wanted, family and wine always making the world seem so wonderful and complete.

In other news and on to the exciting-lives-that-aren't-mine category, Angele my belle has left for a year in South Korea while Erin departed yesterday for Vietnam. Damn! Oh the jealousy! Becoming an english teacher and a nanny respectively, they're living and breathing and being a part of it all. While I'm in Toronto. But obviously don't get me started on that. I wish both you guys so many safe and amazing adventures, couldn't think of two more deserving gals. And yes Angele, you've officially become my next adventure, you heard it here first folks: South Korea 2006!

On that uplifting note I shall bid you all good night, and a very happy birthday to us all.....

Strange Days Indeed

2005-09-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

Partly pleased partly grieved to announce that, contrary to popular belief (mostly mine), I'm evidently not going back to school afterall, at least not until January. Ha! I never thought I would be wishing to be back in Western but sure enough, George Brown ("The City College!") has driven me to the point where I would even pull out my Gap golf t-shirt and Banana Republic khakis and return back to UWO if it meant I could sign up for a course hassle free. The short story is George Brown sucks. The long story is their websites give a whole slew of wrong info re: pre and co-requisites for certification programs. Bastards! I'm pretty pissed, but at the same time it means I don't have to return to my nemesis quite yet. Hmph. They said I could take the ER course in January providing a) it's being provided ("maybe it won't") and b) the other course I have to take can be offered online ("that depends"). I should just tell them to go f*ck themselves and forget about the whole thing but now I'm just in it for spite. Bring it on GB!

Enough of that crap though. On to other crap. I read the news today (oh boy....) and keep wondering what's going on? In general, 2005's been a year and it ain't over yet. Is it just me or does the world heading downhill? I'm not familiar with weather patterns or trends or anything of the sort but I'm thinking more and more that I should start learning. The inane small-talk subject of weather is getting a little more intense as of lately. Has anyone ever recalled such an amazingly hot Canadian summer? The 2004 tsumani? So many hurricanes that the people who name them have supposedly almost run out of names? New Orleans is sinking man (and I don't wanna swim...) I know global warming is only supposed to hit our great grandkids or something but I just want that doublechecked. Then again what do I know, this could just be a freak weather year and I could just be a freak paranoid android.......but still, enough with the pollution people.

Keeping with the subject of news, I know I should be used to the Iraq war by now. But I'm not. 'Nuf said.

I'm also not used to watching my puppy grow old. My golden retriever Jake is now over 13 years and my family is watching him slowly fade away. I used to take him for hour long walks around Barrie's lakeshore everyday, him going swimming and chasing the ducks and crunching on crayfish and all sorts of other dog-related hobbies, never truly believing this day would come. The day is here though. He's still a puppy at heart though, still thinks he's a puppy, and although he can barely manage one time around the block now, he still pulls on his leash to go further. His nights were once spent keeping watch outside my bedroom, guarding me as I slept, but now he can't even make it up the stairs. So it's now my turn to keep watch over him, and I'll sleep beside him downstairs on the couch whenever I'm home. I've always been such a tremendous animal lover and I know there's those of you out there who will never understand how much a dog or a cat or a pet of any sort can become such a close and complete part of your life. I also know though there's those of you out there that do understand. You'll understand how hard it is to know that everytime you say goodbye, it may be goodbye for the last time. And you'll understand how much you'll miss such a dear old friend.

Last of the Summer Wine

2005-09-22T00:26:00.000-07:00

Evenin' all, just thought I'd drop a line, get some of my incessantly orbiting thoughts out of my brain and onto some soft copy.

The summer has been a hootananee, quick summary is as follows: Europe, cottage, beach, camping, booze, etc......all the usual summer stuff everyone does to keep sane, myself included. And what grand times we have! So laid back, so in the moment, so perfect... as long as you don't remind yourself you have to go home to Toronto, it's all love. Special shout out to the week I spent in Tobermory with Jolan at my uncle's cottage ~ right on the lake, deck with BBQ, hikes and caves along the Bruce Trail, hammock and campfires and a bajillion stars. Not to mention some intense mini-golf skins games. (Intense!)

Another cool weekend we had was when, on a last minute spur of the moment idea, I booked a room for Jolan and I at the posh Royal York Hotel using Jess' friends and family discount (she's a hostess at the restaurant there). Hey, why not? We went out for a nice supper then spent the night sipping wine in our lush complimentary bathrobes. We lived in the lap of luxury, if only for a night. I figured there would never be an occasion for us to spend a night there, so why not create one? Carpe Diem!

Now I know what you're all thinking (and asking regularly), I'm spending an awful lot of time with this Jolan character (is that a real name?), what's it all about and will the wedding ball and chain be rattling soon? Answers: 1) yes I'm doing all these things with Jolan, not so much because I like him, it's just because he's there (kidding!) Honestly though, I really don't have many friends here in T.O. and since the majority of you are spread out across Ontario and the globe, Jolan wins by default. 2) yes it's kinda a name and 3) as Jess would say, "Oh fuck no!" (Nonsensical ramblings aside though, he truly is the absolute best and we care for each other a great deal. We're both still so young and will take it as it comes. Always an adventure with him, will keep you posted.....)

So school starts for me next week (vomit vomit vomit)) and George Brown College has already managed to screw me over! Now that's talent! Even Western didn't start to piss me off until after I actually set foot on campus. Won't go into details, this course just better be bloody worth the hassle. Vomit.

Have much more to say but I'm tired, seems like all I ever write about is pretty superficial mundane day to day stuff. Thought this whole blogger idea would be a bit more insightful but I guess that was a bit too much to assume. Da well. Maybe it's because I'm broadcasting to the world and maybe it's because I'm just not that insightful. I'll leave that one to ponder over for another time.......

Phew.......

2005-08-12T00:35:00.000-07:00

It's one of those nights tonight where you turn all the lights off, light a candle, put on a Jeff Buckley album, close your eyes and be so so silent.... I haven't been able to find my Jeff Buckley album in ages though (and it breaks my heart) so instead I'll choose another release and just start writing.

It's one of those oh-so-rare nights when a) I'm home and b) Jess isn't. She is the absolute best and I'd be lonely as hell without her but sometimes I think back to and miss the nights last summer when she was away in Wales and I lived alone, no friends in a big city. Nights where I'd stay up til the wee witching hours of the morning just listening to music, thinking and drifting and searching the sky for stars that never appeared. How simple it all seemed!

Not that life is so outstandingly complex for me right now, maybe it's just that I don't have any quiet nights to myself anymore, that it's all a bit too loud, a bit too much is going on, if only in my head.

At work, I'm running a mile a minute, physically and mentally. These things always happen in waves and right now our floor is going through a wave of very sick patients that require a lot of support, in every sense of the term. It scares me sometimes at how intense my job is and how I come home utterly exhausted after a 12 hour shift. Call me crazy but I love it all the same, I'm good at helping people and knowing that is a feeling like no other.

I can't stop thinking ahead though and have somehow convinced myself to do something that I thought wasn't possible.......go back to school. Insert inexplicably rude four-letter words here. WTF? Why do I torture myself so? In all fairness, it would only be one online course and one part-time intensive six week course at George Brown College but the thought of facing a tortuous class room setting again induces vomiting for me. A gal's got to be brave though and I want to earn my ER nursing certification. Not that I ever ever want to work in an ER (BLECH!), I'm just thinking to the future when I want to go back to Africa/wherever and all the NGO's will be looking for ER experience and know-how. Besides, even if I don't ever go back, that's the ultimate nursing course, the be-all and end-all of facing any kind of situation, on the job or not.

Perhaps I want to take the course just to keep me busy this winter though. I've now noticed that for the past month or so, every day that I've had off work, I've left the city. Whether it's to Barrie to look after my sick old beloved golden retriever, going to the beach with Jess, going camping with Jolan or visiting friends in all corners of Ontario, I've left and I've loved it. Toronto is stiffling, and I'm not just talking of the heat. Everything is on such a grand scale and it wears you out, it wears you out. I leave to hear myself think. Looking ahead to the winter now is pretty intimidating. I very strongly disliked my first Toronto winter: so cold, so grey, so hard to get around (sans bicyclette) and a lot less to do. The ER course will be beneficial, if only for the fact that it'll keep me occupied during those cold months.

Man I'm sounding like such a downer right now. Apologies, don't mean to be so glib, just trying to free my mind of unnnecessary clutter right now so that I soon fall into an untroubled peaceful deep sleep.

I actually am really happy right now guys. Promise. Sometimes though your mind gets bogged down by thoughts that only slow you down. And the only way to get rid of them sometimes is to throw them down on paper. Or computer I guess. In any case, it's time for me to find an album that suits the mood and mellow out. I'll leave on a happy note, one that looks ahead with optimism, much like my overall situation: at the end of August Jolan and I will be making that grand roadtrip back up to Tobermory and will be spending a week of fun and sun and r&r in my uncle's cottage right on Georgian Bay. A dream come true, how much more perfect does it get? Hiking on the Bruce trail, canoeing, swimming in the Grotto, the Sweet Shop, the fish & chip place, the sunsets, the campfires......
And of course the stars......
And the quiet......

Floating On Okay

2005-07-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

Happy heatwave guys, I hate how I've barely seen any of you this summer. It seems everyone I know from both high school and university have just scattered into a million different places, reaching all the far corners of the earth (Steph!) and as much as I'm not a fan of technology really, without email I guess we'd be SOL. It blows goats when I have only every weekend off, can't be everywhere at once. As usual, open invitation remains standing, if you're in T.O. (blech!) drop by or call anytime. I'd love to see you. (Except you Marc. Thornhill my ass! Or is it Richmond Hill? I can never remember. Stupid T.O. burbs.)

So summer's maybe half gone already? Can't be. Other than being abroad, mine has been spent working, eating/drinking out with Jess, relaxing with Jolan and T.O. friends and all sorts of other odds and ends. Typical summer stuff, made all the better by the presence of an outdoor pool in our new apartment (if that's not an incentive to come visit, then you can all just piss off). Nice to take little swims by myself in the early AM to cool off after coming home from night shifts, just floating and contemplating life with all it's complexities and trying to find the meaning of it all. (So far no luck.) The cool thing is that the pool is on the 4th floor (my floor) and we're literally surrounded on all sides by condos and high rises, so all those early risers get an eyeful of me in a bathing suit along with their morning coffee. So lucky! (Nightswimming is my favourite though, deserving a quiet night ;) We also have two tennis courts beside the pool to let me work my way up to Wimbledon. And even if this new place sounds like high society, no worries, even with pool and courts, I still find time to mingle with the commoners.

(Wimbledon and a pool pale in comparison to the great outdoors any day, I'll be doing some cottage and camping coming up with the usual suspects, Canadian life at it's finest!)

Saw Hotel Rwanda a few weeks back and am getting antsy to get on the move again. It's a terrific movie, obviously very powerful and seeing full out genocide being played out in streets that look so familiar to me made a huge impact. It reminded me of all the things I learned over there (everything being a little clearer and a little hazier at the same time) and how I'm feeling a cultural gap these days. Perhaps my sights aren't set on returning to Africa just yet (Australia being the front runner at the moment), but in any case, watching movies like that make me remember that I have to continue to push and challenge myself and see the world, just as I promised myself I would.

For now though, I'll just have to sweat it out a bit longer.

La Vie en Rose

2005-07-03T00:45:00.000-07:00

And then there were the 4 days 3 nights in Paris ~ now I know some of your have been and seen and had rave reviews but I really really didn't expect to be absolutely blown away by it. Perhaps the perception of the French as all snooty or the streets to be sewers got me to think that it would be like an upscale Sudbury for some reason, but I am here to report that indeed, Paris is much nicer than an upscale Sudbury. Much much nicer. In fact, I could name it as one of my favourites in the world (and yes I have been to Windsor).

The two of us were just so impressed, for reasons that go on and on to the point that I'll just get to the chase and list them point form, in no particular order:

the architecture & streets: very posh and well maintained, streets were narrow (not sewer-like) with motorcycles and mopeds being the way to really get around
the walkabout potential: not the aussie type, just the fact that walking down the streets to all the different sites was interesting in itself, always some statue/sculpture to ponder over, always something cool to see (as opposed to Amsterdam where everything melts into each other and repeated over and over)
the baguettes: DAMN they were good, so fresh and warm, so cheap and a meal in themselves, literally to the point where even adding peanut butter to them would make them less delicious (and I never ever ever insult peanut butter unless it's entirely absolutely necessary)
no fat or ugly or sloppily dressed people in Paris: we actually consciously made an effort to spot out one person who was obviously local that wasn't dressed up. We saw one in 4 days. I shit you not.
ease of being a tourist: maps were everywhere. We always felt safe walking around at night. So much was within walking distance of each other. The sheer amount of cool things to see and do. The fact that it was obviously such a tourist haven but still maintained it's class, never seeming tacky or exploitive (except Notre Dame)
The Metro: a continuation of above really but deserves a mention all on it's own. There are 276 stops in Paris with 13 lines running which, compared to Toronto (2 lines), is astonishing considering the populations of each (look up the numbers yourselves). It told you how long it would be until the next train arrived while you were waiting. Also, the trains themselves were just one long cab so you could look down from one end and see the other end, with all the twists and curves making it feel like time travel. (Ok, maybe that's a grossly absurd overexagerration but it was really cool nonetheless.) (*Also, amusing side anecdote, we were heading home late one night on the Metro and ran into these 3 guys, 2 of whom were seemingly perfectly sober while the third was somehow completely wasted like nothing else. The story obviously ends in puking and so after awhile, every time the train stopped at a station, these two buddies would lean their boy out the doors for a second so he could puke, then pull him back in as the doors closed. He was up to 3 consecutive puke stops before we got to our station! Cheers to the French and their ability to look after their buds!*)
the Parks: again, so well groomed and tidy and extensive, which really says a lot in a city where land must be incredibly expensive. Everyone would just grab some wine and baguettes and cheese and congregate in mass crowds and parties, especially under the Eiffel Tower and the Jardin du Luxembourg
Palais du Louvre: we never actually went inside due to time restrictions (you'd have to spend a whole day inside to give it justice and it was just too nice outside) but the buildings alone were unbelievable, not to mention the glass pyramids.
Sacre-Coeur: a basilica on a hilltop overlooking the whole city and definitely worth the hike up those stairs, the church itself very beautiful and although perhaps not as detailed as Notre-Dame, Sacre Coeur felt much holier and not so touristy
Picasso Museum: can't stress how cool this place was, we were just amazed at first of all how prolific the artist was and all the various mediums he used throughout his lifespan. Secondly, the museum was almost like a maze in itself, steering away from the usual just "paintings-in-a-room" motiff and presented them in different and interesting ways. And it was much cheaper than the Van Gogh museum but by far more bang for your buck, I'd recommend it as a must-see for anyone who has half an inkling of interest for art.

Right, I could go on and on for quite some time about how much we both enjoyed Paris but for the sake of my readers I'll try to wrap up soon. Two great moments more I'll share though, both of them involving Parisien's preoccupation with chilling in parks. It's the thing to do there, on the scale that we would grab some friends and head to the bars, they would grab some food and drink and meet their buds out on the grass and soak up the sun (or stars.) Our last day there we spent part of the day in Jardin du Luxembourg, truly beautiful, just hanging out on the grass along with everyone else. After some time, this little 2-3 year old caught our attention as he sat all by himself, staring transfixed at nothing in particular for minutes at a time. Somehow he noticed us and came over to talk and play and share for a while the little planet he was from. He was such a funny little guy, totally engrossed in his own world and on his own mission, not to be persuaded to do anything except what was running through his sparkling imagination. Jolan has such a great connection with kids (and they love him for it) and so watching him and this little boy interact was truly something special. Oh Ethan! You were le petit prince just as I always imagined!

Of course the other big night in the park was under the Eiffel Tower. I always knew it was cool but come on, that thing is really the real deal. We showed up in the afternoon greeted by the usual hord of mostly Parisiens lounging on the grass (don't these people have jobs?!?!). I think that was one of the great things about the Eiffel Tower, you could just chill and have some fun with one of the most famous structures in the world as your backdrop. Not too shabby. Not that I want to drag Toronto into such a memorable moment right now, but comparing the CN Tower to the Eiffel, there's no contest. Maybe it's because the CN is just in the middle of a dirty city and if you want to gaze at it in awe, you'd just get run over by a trolley. On the other hand, the Eiffel is in the middle of a park more or less and you can make a relatively inexpensive day there just picnicing and enjoying the view. And playing ping pong obviously. The park also had soccer fields and basketball courts but Jolan and I opted for the PP option, bought some paddles and went at 'er. (Me without question beating him handsdown. Yeah.....) As the day wore on, we ran out and grabbed some goodies (wine, chinese takeout, baguettes, etc), grabbed a seat on the grass and had a feast as we watched the sunset. The Tower lights up and sparkles and the sun sets and the stars come out and you're there watching it all beside such an amazing guy and........incroyable. It was a truly unforgetable night (how could it not?) and exactly as it was meant to be.

So yes, Paris was brilliant. Really liked it. The hell with all those who don't. And another thing ~ everyone was so great to us. Never again will I be able to idly stand by and hear the French be stereotyped as rude and arrogant, I'm now obliged under court order to pitch in and say they were nothing but first class. Except that lady at the Picasso Museum. But everyone else was great.

Skanking it Up

2005-06-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

Although the Dutch nights were high on excitement and all round tomfoolery (and never ask me to navigate again Jolan ~ a potential two minute drunken bikeride home turned into an hour long lost drunken quest to find where we we even locked the bikes ~ "For sure it's this way!"), hands down our most memorable after-dark excursion was the night an Australian friend of ours took us to one of the coffeeshops, enjoyed a j and then proceeded to the Red Light District. Now, this place is pretty trippy to begin with and so to go there high was beyond trippy. Stressing the beyond trippy part here. We would never have been able to do so had we not had Aussie Jason (who was going to school there); Amsterdam is so easy to get lost in (it honestly all looks the same! it wasn't my fault Jolan!) and this was not the type of neighbourhood you want to stop and peruse a map on the corner. Especially while high. So we got the grand tour from a Sydnian (?), walking down narrow alleys glowing with red neon lights where literally every metre there was a new window, a new girl enticing the guys. Weird weird weird, a factory of whores, one after another, all lined up for the taking. They'd open their window for the odd dirty old man, chatting him up (or more....) for some cash. Most of the tourists just gawked wide eyed and laughing and it was just as fun to watch their reactions to this warped Disneyland as it was to watch the poor girls. We walked down the more touristy alleys and then some of the more sketchy streets (again, we had a guide and I've been known to kick ass). You could tell you were in the skechier parts as the pros got uglier and uglier, some of them guaranteed men without a doubt, some of them borderline either or. That whole part of Amsterdam was skechy all around and we got there only after midnight which meant all the dirties started crawling out of the woodwork. Every street you chose you'd get offered ecstasy or crack or heroin. (I just said no). This one cracked-out druggie followed us for 3 blocks begging for some cash, and the guy could've turned violent at any time. As I said, we wouldn't have done all this without a guide and I'd give a heads up to those of you interested in seeing the boobs and thighs of Amsterdam. Some buddies of ours got a knife pulled on them. Fuuuuuuuuck.

Honestly though, if you're in Amsterdam hands down you have to see it, and not during daylight hours. Just go with minimal money (unless you're gonna spend it ~ you dawg!) and don't look like a tourist. Which is pretty impossible.

Sunflowers and The Secret Annex......

2005-06-25T00:52:00.000-07:00

We really just mucked around Amsterdam a lot, the markets are definitely worth checking out, especially Waterlooplein, but really the only 2 big touristy things we did there were the Van Gogh museum and Anne Frank's house. Van Gogh was really cool but the museum only had one floor of his work and it was packed. Interesting nonetheless, we saw (for those of you familiar with him) The Bedroom, Irises, Sunflowers, Crows in a Cornfield, The Potato Eaters, and his self portraits to name some of the more well famous ones. (My favourite, Starry Night is privately owned. D'oh!) No matter, it was brilliant to just be able to see his original brushstrokes and one of his original frames (which he painted as well). Anne Frank's house was surreal and my favourite of the two, having always been interested in war literature. Again, it was crowded which took away from the experience but they did a good enough job in presenting it. An interview with her childhood friend told of how, after her sister died in their concentration camp, Anne thought she had no one left in the world and subsequently died 2 days later. This friend felt that if she had known her father was still alive, Anne would have held on and lived. Which means her diary would never have been published. The diary itself was the highlight of the whole house/museum, written all those years ago in another world that's hard to believe ever existed.

Got Grolsch?

2005-06-20T03:59:00.000-07:00

Back to Toronto, back to work, back to reality. Oh how cruel it all seems! Returned last Friday after an unforgettable 2 1/2 weeks abroad and now there's nothing left for me to do but stare at my smirking suitcase, reminding me how for a while it was all I had but now it's just a big pile of clothes and crap on my bedroom floor. The unjustice of it all! Alas, my whining ends there and I'll rehash some tales of the exploits and the adventures and yes, the hash.

First off, some of you have been inquiring about this boyfriend of mine, does he actually exist and is his name a typo? Yes, true is true, my boy is Jolan, a guy who never ceases to amaze me with his talents and quests for adventure and intrique. An urban explorer as our pal Leah describes him, he's born and bred in Toronto, something I've kinda accepted but constantly mock him for. With good cause. He's finishing off university with History and English at U of T, a point that fascinates me since I was originally was once gonna go down that same road. His 3 volume biography set aside, all you guys need to know is he's amazing at literally everything he does (sports, fixing stuff, entertaining kids, exploring, cooking, hanging around, being a bf, growing sideburns) and looks after me like I don't deserve. And I look after him too. And I'm not kidding about his sideburns.

I digress however, back to Amsterdam, the start of my journey and our homebase throughout the 17 days while I was there. As mentioned earlier, his cousin has a flat in the downtown district that she lent to us while she's away in Africa, such a lucky break for us obviously 'cause it meant we could cook our own meals and boarding was free. Our expenses cut in half right there! And the place was a mansion. Crazy futuristic, like you opened what you thought looked like a cupboard and it turned out to be the fridge. We felt like royalty with our cupboard fridges.

Amsterdam is all about bikes, that's the way to get around, don't even bother walking. Bikers have their own lanes and traffic lights and if you can imagine it, there's whole parking lots for bikes, capacity at least 1000 and always packed. As a biker from Toronto, it was brilliant. The sound of car horns replaced by bike bells. Still a bustling place though, although after a while we realized how much the city is a Mecca for foreigners looking to get high. And laid. Huge night scene there, half a pint costing a euro or so, Grolsch and Heineken galore. And obviously the "coffeeshops" ~ every hour is happy hour ;) You'd walk in, buy your stuff (or just bring your own) and just chill. And chill and chill. Drink some chocomel (this crazy potent Dutch chocolate milk) and then chill some more. We actually didn't frequent many coffeeshops, seeing that it was just as cool to smoke up along the canals and watch the water and not be inundated by sometimes crap music.

Which reminds me! While we were there, this crazy Dutch rap song was sweeping the nation, called "Watskeburt," with a refrain as annoyingly catchy as some stupid annoyingly catchy song (none come to mind at the moment). The title is basically the equivalent of "Whaaaaazzzaaap!" and you'd hear it playing everywhere; we'd walk down the street sometimes and hear teens greet each other with "watskeburt!" The best part is the crazy accompanying video, really good for a giggle, especially since the Dutch MTV station (The Box!) kept playing it over and over. And over. A recommended download for those seeking a thrill, two thumbs up fine holiday fun.

Anywho, the weather was overall not too peachy while in Amsterdam: sweaters and coats and rain gear. Bloody rained every day, if only for half an hour. Hmph. Paris was much nicer, more on those crazy French and Amsterdamers in blogs to follow.......

The Latest Addition

2005-06-19T13:36:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the loop Ken....... ;)

Last Days

2005-06-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

Two days left 'til I return on Friday then I promise to update! Life's been too fast and the days too short for me to adequately give Holland and France their due justice so I figured a series of travel logs when I return will be in the cards. Until then boys and gals I'm living it large and happy in Amsterdam, tonight will be a drive by the Red Light District, perhaps to give them a tip or to two.......... ;)

Hollandaise Sauce

2005-06-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

The timer's ticking down on the number of minutes I have left on the net but here's a little European flavor for all you back in Canada and abroad. Amsterdam is absolutely incredible, we're having such a good time with it all going by so fast! Jolan has a lot of family here in Holland, and we lucked out and have been given the use of his cousin's downtown flat while she's away in Malawi! Bloody terrific! Everyday we go to the market and get all our fresh groceries from the market down the street, so much money saved seeing that eating outs is ridiculously expensive. We spend a lot of time just biking around and getting lost and getting found and just taking it all in, especially the food and alcohol! Amsterdam hosts the best drunken debauchery around, without a doubt. And oh my, the "coffeeshops"! Plenty of tales originate within those walls with a fraction being remembered the next day...... ;) More to come in a bit, we're off to Paris tomorrow for three nights then back here for one more week. Promise to write more soon but for now I must return to the indulgences of European life.......
Lots of Love to all, daag for now,
Ames

2005-05-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

Jessica Messica: Sister, Roomie, Coolest Gal Ever, Can't Read or Write

Another Saturday Night

2005-05-07T23:07:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm....must be getting old. Here it is a Saturday night and I'm passing up a party in order to sit here at a computer and eat potato salad. Not even good potato salad either. My excuse is I worked 12 hour day shifts yesterday and today and another one awaits me tomorrow, but still! That's never stopped me before! Hmph. Must be getting old. Instead I'll sit here and contemplate my existence and type away and try to make it seem like I have a life. Probably not possible.

So I'm broadcasting here from a new location now, 2 blocks south and 2 blocks west from my old place to be exact. Moving day came and went without too much hassle, apart from the rain and the fire alarm and the car running out of gas and the box full of glasses falling off the cart and shattering all but three of them. Oh what fun we had! Nothing like moving to show you how much useless shit you own. But we're settled now, everything has found it's place, no cable still but the beer store is right down the street so it's all love.

Work is great, my one year pin coming up in mid June. (We don't get a pin actually but it would be nice if we did). My one year evaluation with the boss was rave reviews, I guess I'll stick with this nursing thing. Sometimes I get a little tired of it all and wonder why I got into this crazy profession and curse my 0630am wakeup calls and mumble incoherant mutterings under my breath when I have to start a flipping IV on a patient at 2 o'clock in the morning. But then a patient will say I helped them get through a rough day or they'll thank me for smiling as I walked into the room or tell me I made a difference. And then it'll all make sense somehow and I'll remember why I do this.

Starting a 2am IV though! Bloody hell.

Onwards and upwards though, will be driving my parents to the airport this Tuesday so they can spend a month in Wales/England/Ireland as a 30th anniversary thing. Hands down the best parents ever. Definitely going senile though. Dropping off Jolan the next day for his flight to Amsterdam where I'll meet up with him at the start of June for 17 days. If all goes according to plan, we'll bike to Brussels (Belgium) from there then take a train to Paris for a 3 night stay. (Pamplemousse? Deux pamplemousse.........?) Ah, c'est la vie. Was planning on bringing a digital camera with me to document my oversea adventures but oh my, Jessica Jessica Jessica........ Someone (I won't say who) decided to get hammered on an end-of-the year class boat cruise, tripped, and sent the camera to the bottom of Lake Ontario. Pure brilliance Jess! Big special sticker for you! Da well, she has her dirt on me too I'm sure. Can't imagine what though. I'm pretty much perfect.

Well, my beautiful big blue bed beckons. Maybe a shower too but no promises Marc. Sorry I never write anything exciting peeps, I just don't have any good material to work with. I'll just start making stuff up. Oh yeah! I was biking along happy as a cloud the other day when I got struck by this bus that came out of nowhere so they had to helicopter me to the hospital because I had broken all of my ribs except the top three on the right and my arm was severed at the elbow but then they fixed all of that and I'm ok now but some guy stole my bike in all the commotion so I was pretty mad. Bloody bike thieves.

Keep on rocking in the free etc. Love Ames.

Breathe, keep breathing......

2005-04-20T03:47:00.000-07:00

4am and everyone is still breathing here on the floor. Always a good sign. Ohhhhhh night shifts, you just never know. T minus 3 1/2 hours to go. My mind tonight is thinking in small concise sentences in order to conserve energy. Which is not a bad thing per se. People (myself included) sometimes get stupid when bogged down by too much thought. Of course, there's always the risk of flying away with too little thought. Sometimes you're just up for the trip though and it's all good.

Thankfully, the floor is decidedly less busy these days. Well deserved. There was a really rough period back in March where it was a little too intense, even for this place. 3 code blues (heart stops, breathing stops, patient basically dead); one guy was only 27, one gal was 19, the last was the sweetest little lady ever. Not fair not fair not fair! That's just hitting below the belt. Some of you have asked why I've never written a blog in my work section (Fixing a Hole). I honestly thought I would and had every intention to. But when I come home from work, my mind and heart need a little break. Perhaps one day.

Soooooo, rumour has it I was spotted in London last weekend? How incredible!!!!! I had a ridiculously good time! My guys and gals! My how you've all grown! It had been waaaay too long, almost a year in some cases. A sunny weekend spent drifting away on patios and front porches with cold drink in hand. There are worse fates in life. Especially big props to those who had an exam the next day and decided fuck it anyway. People after my own heart! Engaged and with a mortgage Ania?!?! Shikamoo mzungu bibi! Another unforgettable Hickson drive-by with Erin my love ("Hickson Erin! HICKSON!") where they're all from Minnesota and listen to Rod Stewart. Bloody incredible. And JAN!!!!!! - my mentor and reason for being in life!!! Freaking awesome. When I left a year ago, was convinced London was the crapper, my faith has thus been restored though. Green grass! Trees! Alcohol! All those huge apartments with such cheap rent! Most of all, my posse, thanks for some amazing nights, miss you guys all so much.

But yes, things are going good here. Actually really good, now that it's nicer outside. Moving day fast approaching (PACKING! I HATE IT!) so we're getting all our junk together. Jess and the rest of you will be done exams soon (if not already!) so there's absolutely no reason why you all can't drive to Toronto and help us settle in. It'll be fun! First 30 people here get a free banana.

Found a good little park lately that has some awesome climbing trees and a little stream to race boats in. My little boat is currently looking for sponsors if anyone's interested. It may not be the fastest boat but it sure does sink.

Oh yeah! Terrific news, my bike seat got stolen not once but TWICE in 3 weeks! I really have a knack. But all is not lost, I have a feeling that my luck will change now. I was biking to work one night and stopped at the light while at Yonge & College (irrevelant fact). Waiting for the light to turn green again, some pedestrians passed me by, the last one being an aboriginal. He didn't say a word but rested his hand on my front tire for a few seconds, gave me a little smile then went on his way. Now, I can't say what that was all about but here's what I'm figuring: he either blessed the bike with many safe trails and happy adventures, or my bike is now cursed beyond all 17 realms of hell. Which would be a step up.

Ok, still at work, only it's 24 hours later from when I started (and yes I went home in between shifts). The floor is still quiet, people are still breathing, and the world is well. Keep breathing all, and I'll do the same.

Grown-up Busywork

2005-03-23T16:45:00.000-08:00

Yes yes, I know I know, it's been a painfully long time since I last blogged, how have you ever managed? Hope this day finds you well and happy, as it finds me. It's crunch time now for all you poor unfortunate students and all I have to say is...better you than me. You can't all collectively hate me though, last night I was up 'til 0430am writing Jess' history essay because I'm officially the best sister in the world. Definitely Pulitzer Prize worthy; dug deep, pulled back the layers and exposed the real cold war that no one knows about. Damn I should've been a writer. Or at least some girl who runs an underground essay writing business. Either or.

Soooooo, what tidbits and morsels of my life can I share? As ever, I've been constantly on the go doing this that and some other thing, what it all amounts to I can't really say. Kinda like grown-up busywork maybe. It's like when you're back in elementary school and the teacher has a hangover or whatever and gives the class a picture entitled "Winter's Coming!!" that you have to colour in even though it holds no real academic benefit. It's just something you're given to do to keep you busy and to keep you shut up. (And while we're on the topic, how do you colour in a picture of winter?!?! It's all white snow! I'd like to meet the kid who ever used the white crayon on the white piece of paper to colour in snow. Hand him a medal.) Or like when I worked at Wendy's, waaaaaay back in the day, and the manager would tell me go stock up the pickles, even when it was perfectly clear the pickles were in no need of stocking. Just busywork. Bastards. Oh Wendy's you whore. So yeah, my point is......grown-up busy work perhaps? Nope, I got nothing.

So spring is coming! Get excited! Millions of kids everywhere are colouring in the busywork pages as we speak! Jess and I are psyched because we'll be moving into a new, slightly bigger apartment in May, even more downtown than we are now. For those of you familiar with Toronto (my condolences), we'll be right around the Yonge and Wellesley subway station. Right around where that guy was gunned down by police last month! Outdoor swimming pool and tennis courts! High society indeed. So yes, another 12 month lease signed, another 12 months in Toronto. Why do I torture myself so?!?!? I know I really should be used to this whole T-Dot thing by now and quit my complaining but it still hasn't sunk in. Hang in there Ames, summer in the city is always tons more fun, biking around and shit. I don't know though, sometimes the wind just blows a little too cold around here.

Leaving the city as much as possible is the only remedy. Leaving the country is even better! Yes folks, I'm on my way to Holland this June, how incredible!!! Boyfriend Jolan is taking off for six weeks this summer to visit his Dutch family, I'll be meeting up with him for two to keep him on his toes. The plan is to snag some bikes and just start riding, crashing at his relative's places or just tenting it up in some random field or hostel. Belgium and Germany will most likely be invaded too if all goes well. AmsterDAM it's gonna be amazing!!! Some friends of his/ours will be around there at the same time so a riot will be guaranteed. Holy crap I can't wait, it's always always an adventure with my boy.

Hmmm, how do I follow up that big news? Impossible, thus I must leave you all for now. There's a huge pile of laundry in need of laundering on my floor and supper must be on the table before Jess gets home or she hits me. Promise to write more soon now that my computer is off the fritz, keep sending me updates on your respectives lives as well. I have to live vicariously through someone! You're all my stars.

Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

2005-02-15T02:26:00.000-08:00

Middle of February, middle of Toronto, it's raining. Doesn't this bother anyone? Perhaps it's my cooky small town upbringing but come on guys, where's the freaking snow. Man.

So busy these days yet not really sure what I spend all my time doing. Work, friends, gym, etc. I guess it's the etcetera that always eats away at time, as it's prone to do. Now that school's done, I come home with no obligation to do anything except arrive at work for my next shift not hungover. (Not as easy as it sounds!) During the summer I revelled in this idea and was the queen of exponential idleness, but now, for some reason, I've convinced myself there's more to a person's day than debating on whether having a streak of grey hair is good or bad. (Oh yeah, it's good alright). Never enough time in a day, or enough days in time for that matter. There's always that one last thing on my list that never gets done because the sleepies beckon. Oh the things I would do if I did all that I could. Some guy said that, don't know who but he was briliant.

I do stuff that's interesting and I do stuff that's not interesting. I've been told that it's the little things that become everything in life sometimes, I haven't figured out whether that's a good or bad thing. Tonight my mind is tired so I'll take the short cut and give you the uninterestings bits. Maybe they're all that I have.

Finally have picked up that thing that's been sitting in the corner of my room for the past 5 years and realize it's a guitar. Like picking away at it, making up ridiculous little ditties and singing the night sweetly to sleep. (Okay, maybe not sweetly.) Am taking lessons with my friend Yoka so will for sure be the next Jimmy Page by fall 2005. Very therapeutic. Work is rough sometimes and when I get home I want to get as far away from it as possible. No further place than my music and my books. I have a feeling my art side and my science side will never be at one with each other, always fighting for the upper hand. Ironic somehow, the more I play guitar, the more callused the tips of my fingers become. The harder the tips of my fingers become, the harder it is to feel veins in order to draw blood on a patient. I need both though, I need the balance. I need work to keep me challenged, I need art to give me peace. Always the middle path.

Love doing these things now that I never had the time to do. Feel Western kinda drained me of my once vibrant abstract mind and I wonder now whether I'll ever get back to that point in my life where I'd be considered a good writer. I used to have so many crazy little stories floating around in my head that I wanted to write but now they've been replaced by the signs and symptoms of hypokalemia and what to do when an immunocompromised patient spikes a fever and why caspofungin should never be mixed with anything but normal saline. Almost a lobotomy in a sense that all I had for 4 years was science and 7am clinicals. Hanging around with U of T English majors doesn't much help a gal's artistic self esteem either. Hmmmm, what could have been......Amy Messham, writer extroardinaire, but now just another soul lost to that evil nursing empire. Meh, what am I complaining about though? There'll always be forks in the path, you just have to make your choice and stick with it. That's what I did, no regrets, not for a second. I'm a nurse. I'm changing the world in my own little way. Publishing rights to follow.

Whoa......mellow mood. Love the late nights, nothing finer than you and the moon and the rain. How is it that I'm a nighthawk through and through, yet still somehow afraid of the dark? Too much monster potential I guess. Man I hate monsters.

Have just realized I've written really nothing that belongs in the "Day in the Life" section, just total incoherant ramblings. To make amends I'll part with a story of intrigue and adventure, non-fiction of course. Just to make amends. Perhaps one of these days I'll be able to part with a fictional story. I'm working on it......

So folks, as you may have noticed, Toronto and I bicker all the time. Hadn't been out of the city since Christmas and I was getting antsy. A roadtrip was definitely in order, so Jolan and I jumped in my Cavy Chevalier this past weekend and took our endeavours to Tobermory, the tip of the Bruce Peninsula. Incredible - we had our own little cottage right on the lake, perfect weather, amazing sunrise/sunsets, and oh the starry starry nights. Amazing time had, getting out on the trails, reaching the Grotto, then eating cheese sandwiches in this crazy little nook on the cliffs. Nights were movies, games, cards and the j's, Amy even winning $20 off the usually unbreakable Jolan at poker. What more could you need? Definite highlight of the trip though was getting pulled over by troopers twice, first time was nothing, second time not so lucky. They were out to get me this weekend, I fought the law and the law won. Back to the city now, bickering resumes. Toronto knows I love her, I'll just never admit to it. She's just mad that one day I'll leave her for stars in other lands.

The end, until next time.

Toronto: The Armpit of Canada or Just a Knee?

2005-02-01T02:10:00.000-08:00

I was walking home from work this morning (yes walking! My bike and I had another fight and are currently not on speaking terms) and I passed this little bumper sticker type deal in a store window that said: "Toronto: You Belong Here." Hey now! Let's not jump to any rash conclusions here people! That's being rather presumptuous. In any case, it got me to thinking......Ames, do you belong here? After 8 months (?!?!) in the big city, you'd think I'd be able to come to a clear cut answer, but no, I can't say I can. After all, we are talking about the place I used to hate like a mad cow disease. That cruel cold vast expanse of concrete, cars and carbon monoxide we'd skim through on the way to Grandma's. The place where people lived when they had abandoned all hope, reason and self respect. The place that epitomized everything that was evil, malicious, malevolent, immoral, criminal, and nasty about the world around us. (I used a thesaurus for that one). Yet somehow here I am, trying to belong (and yet not belong), to a city I now call home. Home? Damn, I'm a Torontonian. Worst name ever.

Okay, question is, why did I move here? I could have easily just have hooked up with a job at the hospital I consolidated with in London, moved into a quaint little apartment, zipped around in my quaint little Chevy Cavalier and had a quaint little life in a place that was ruled by a university. For any of those who know me, that sentence sums up why I moved in a nutshell. That's not the life for me and I knew it. London: fun while it lasted but it was time to move on. There would be no challenge to that life and I wanted a new challenge.

Still, that doesn't explain Toronto though. So many other places to move to! Barrie was out of the question (I'll always be hometown proud, but only from a distance). Ottawa and Montreal were in the running and I'm sure would've been incredible (pamplemousse? deux pamplemousse....?) but the clincher was the little known fact that I'm a Messham. I have big plans 2 or 3 years down the road to run off wherever and save the world, and don't know when I'll return. How do these two things connect? Toronto won me over because it meant I could live with my sis Jess, have brother Benerson Messhapaldi up the street and Mom and Dad (and Chucks and Jake) a jump home on the 400. A sentimental fool am I but I want one last hoorah with the Messham cult before I fly off and do what I have to do.

(An added bonus was a guaranteed full time job, and although I was told I had no hope of getting in at Princess Margaret, I'm now working at one of the top 3 oncology hospitals in North America, seeing and doing things I could do no where else. Incredible.)

Toronto though, it had to be you. You're in such a rush to get somewhere that you don't consider where you're going. Sky of grey, sea of green and the stars don't shine bright, if at all. You don't make eye contact, you always look away, your voice is a car horn. Trees somehow become a priviledge, not a right and people become a threat, not a life. How do I live here?

Maybe it can be blamed on Gord Downie. I love that part in the Hip's Bobcaygeon where Gord goes "That night in Toronto...." - just the way he sings it makes it mean somehow so much more and it's just so sexy and drives me crazy. I've had many of those nights here, where everything flows into itself and the lights are there and the whole night is one amazing moment. Toronto isn't beautiful but there is beauty to it. You take a book and a walk and you see it. You jump on a bike, start pedalling and it comes to you. So many brilliant things to experience and see, not to mention the people you meet that take you to these places and to those nights. Such a cast of characters: there's Phil, the absolute most unique, go-where-the-wind-takes-you being I've ever encountered, a guy who won't say a word in a crowded room and yet somehow control it. Yann, aka Pope (cause he's Polish), a guy who can hit my lattitude of noncommitment anytime (ask him about that one) and who lives/breathes poker, always 'all in,' in more ways than one. Of course James is in there, business boy prodigy, ready to slow dance at the drop of a hat, and the catalyst to much of what is now my life in T.O. Then there's Jolan himself, the truest jack of all trades, the bravest of urban explorers, a guaranteed adventure everytime we meet.

Ah but the night wears on. Yes yes sure sure this is all good but enough of this tangent, a wrapup is in order and a conclusion must be drawn on whether, as the bumper sticker suggests, I belong in Toronto or not. (Hmmm, that's what this whole email has been about? That's a gyp.) Sure, it's fun here with the restaurants and concerts and culture, but to live here? Isn't it supposed to be just a place you go for a couple days to see some concert or friends and then return back to life as it should be? Can a gal like me ever actually belong here? I'll say sure. For now, sure I can. I mean, why not? Things are going pretty incredible for me, my life is here right now and I'll keep it that way, at least for a while. Deep inside though I'll always feel an imposter living it up in the T-Dot. I know Toronto will eventually overstay her welcome and one day I'll have to kick her out of my life, but then again that seems to be a pattern with me (look what I did to London.) Fond memories forever but a gal has to know when to move on. So no worries to all you Toronto bashers out there, 'tis only a phase for your sweet little pal Amy. May as well enjoy it while it lasts.

Oh how I miss the stars though.

Where I Begin

2005-01-18T13:18:00.000-08:00

Apologies to all, due to the worthless pile of crap my computer has become this past month, I've decided to become another random blogger in a vast universe of random bloggers in a feeble effort to make myself believe people actually care what I'm up to. (5'6" btw.) Yes, I'm notorious for many things, one of them being the fact that I'm horrible at keeping in touch, so hopefully this will help bridge the gap between me and you guys now that the 'middle-sized city' gal has made the move to the 'big city,' leaving you all in her wake wondering why?.......why?!?!?!? (And for those keeping track, I'm also notorious for burning tomato soup. Any other soup I'm cool with, but tomato always gets the best of me.)

One more thing before I begin, as many of you can attest to, I really don't know when to shut up, especially when I'm writing. A well-known truth for both prolific writers and talkers alike is that a lot is said, but only half of it is of any substance. Okay, maybe one third in my case. On a good day. Anywho, be warned! I tend to jabber on and on about the seemingly most senseless shit sometimes, but I'll try to keep it down to a minimum in this blog and save my great epiphanies that come at that oh-so-key 4am witching hour for the "incoherant ramblings" section. Then again, I'm one of those people who likes to write as a form of therapy, so no promises.

So for those of you playing with us at home today, I'll give you the quick recap:
I graduated. (about bloody time!)
I'm a nurse. (stranger things have happened)
I moved to downtown Toronto. (was on crack at the time)
Living in an apartment with my sister (JESSSIICCCCAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!)
Got a FT job at Princess Margaret Hospital (my lucky SOB streak continues)

So that was for the benefit of you on a strict time schedule (you cheap insensitive bastards). Here's the rest, here's where I begin:

Yes, I'm no longer a student. Strange days indeed. A full time employee, independent (?), responsible (?), mature (?), ready to take on the world of income tax, pension plans, and the ever-looming threat of osteoarthritis. All this at the tender age of 23? I'm over the hill now for sure. Can't say I miss school though, that whole 8am class thing was barely tolerable to begin with and absolute torture by the end. So great to do what I've been studying to do for 4 years. So great to get paid for it (what a concept!) So incredible to come home and not have any crap assignments or essays or exams to work on. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I am free at last! (with apologies to Martin Luther King Jr.)

This whole FT job thing is a trip. Princess Margaret is right downtown T.O. and is the leading oncology (cancer) hospital in Canada, so I feel pretty lucky to be starting out there. The floor I work on is for hematology patients (ie. blood cancers: leukemia, lymphoma, myeloma, etc.) which means we do a lot of bone marrow transplants (I know that means nothing to some of you, just smile and nod). It's a pretty fast paced and intense floor, on a physical, mental and emotional level, but I somehow love it. It's not easy and sometimes you get down but the things I learn and the people I meet save me time and time again. It's hard not to sound soft when talking about stuff like this but honestly, I'm reminded every time I come into work what's truly important in life. The things I worry about seem so piddly and inconsequential when stacked up against the the problems of these people. My work means a great deal to me but it's hard at the same time, since a regular day at work for me is not something that can be discussed over some dinner or beers with buds. It's heavy stuff and so I'll save my stories for the "Fixing a Hole" section. One of those things where I write because it's therapy, not because I want to unload the things I see and do on anyone. You're more than welcome to read them, but just be warned that there's not always happy endings. That said, I love my job. And not to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty freaking awesome nurse.

So Toronto, eh? WTF??!?! Never in a million years did I ever want to find myself here, yet somehow here I am. It was a decision based on many things, and being on crack certainly did help. Surprise, surprise, I'm happy here and it's the best decision I could've made. A tough one though. I moved to the city with no job lined up, into an apartment with a sister who moved out 3 days later to spend the summer in Wales. WTF?!?! It was exciting (yet lonely) but I got a job in no time and ended up having a super summer, meeting some great new buds and exploring all the sights on my bike and coming into my own. Couldn't have done it without Jim and Jolan, an absolute amazing pair that became a trio. Jessmessham is back now and the flipping BEST roomie ever in the history of best roomies ever. I still have a love/hate relationship with the city and it really does smell like ass in the winter but I can deal with it. I won't be around long term but it'll be great while it lasts. Bike thieves though! The fuckers!!!!! But yeah, Toronto's very cool. Don't say you heard it from me.