Skanking it Up

Although the Dutch nights were high on excitement and all round tomfoolery (and never ask me to navigate again Jolan ~ a potential two minute drunken bikeride home turned into an hour long lost drunken quest to find where we we even locked the bikes ~ "For sure it's this way!"), hands down our most memorable after-dark excursion was the night an Australian friend of ours took us to one of the coffeeshops, enjoyed a j and then proceeded to the Red Light District. Now, this place is pretty trippy to begin with and so to go there high was beyond trippy. Stressing the beyond trippy part here. We would never have been able to do so had we not had Aussie Jason (who was going to school there); Amsterdam is so easy to get lost in (it honestly all looks the same! it wasn't my fault Jolan!) and this was not the type of neighbourhood you want to stop and peruse a map on the corner. Especially while high. So we got the grand tour from a Sydnian (?), walking down narrow alleys glowing with red neon lights where literally every metre there was a new window, a new girl enticing the guys. Weird weird weird, a factory of whores, one after another, all lined up for the taking. They'd open their window for the odd dirty old man, chatting him up (or more....) for some cash. Most of the tourists just gawked wide eyed and laughing and it was just as fun to watch their reactions to this warped Disneyland as it was to watch the poor girls. We walked down the more touristy alleys and then some of the more sketchy streets (again, we had a guide and I've been known to kick ass). You could tell you were in the skechier parts as the pros got uglier and uglier, some of them guaranteed men without a doubt, some of them borderline either or. That whole part of Amsterdam was skechy all around and we got there only after midnight which meant all the dirties started crawling out of the woodwork. Every street you chose you'd get offered ecstasy or crack or heroin. (I just said no). This one cracked-out druggie followed us for 3 blocks begging for some cash, and the guy could've turned violent at any time. As I said, we wouldn't have done all this without a guide and I'd give a heads up to those of you interested in seeing the boobs and thighs of Amsterdam. Some buddies of ours got a knife pulled on them. Fuuuuuuuuck.

Honestly though, if you're in Amsterdam hands down you have to see it, and not during daylight hours. Just go with minimal money (unless you're gonna spend it ~ you dawg!) and don't look like a tourist. Which is pretty impossible.